HP episode 11: waiting in line at old navy
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Kristen: [00:00:00] This computer. Welcome to the show.
Samuel: Hello.
Kristen: We're back. We're back in business. Samuel has a story to tell
Samuel: us. Back, back, back again. I do have a story to tell you. Um, yeah. So last week I was shopping and I was at Old Navy and I was getting Perry some clothes as a little surprise and I was, there was a lot of people there for some reason on like the middle of like a random weekday, but the line was like super long to pay.
So I'm like standing there. I'm like, okay, this is fine. And there was a, yeah. Parent and it's what assumed to be a mother and a grandmother and there was like, they had like a little girl with them. She was maybe like, maybe two and she was not happy [00:01:00] about being. An old Navy and being lying, which makes complete sense because who loves to be in lines and she was letting them know that she was upset and like irritated and frustrated.
And so she's like crying and making all kinds of noises and, you know, and it was pretty loud, but the mom. Was getting very, very upset with her. And she said, can't you just stop? You're embarrassing me. And so I'm like listening to the mom, right? And she goes, Oh my God, what is wrong with you? Oh my God, you're so embarrassing.
Oh my God. Just be quiet. Like over and over again. And so I was, I was in line. I hear, I heard that and I posted to my story, like literally in line, like, please don't ever tell your kids this. And then I made a post about it and [00:02:00] it was really upsetting to me because I was like, number one. None of us are happy about standing in this really long line, but no one is forcing us to do that, right?
No one's forcing us to stand in line at Old Navy. It's my own choice, because I want to buy. This child does not have a choice in standing in this line because you are choosing for her that she needs to come with you to Old Navy and stand in this really long line to get whatever you're trying to get.
So all of us as adults are frustrated that the line is long and we don't like to stand in long lines, but we're doing it because whatever. But it's like she was not thinking about what the child was feeling. First of all, like. If you're upset and frustrated about being on the line, what do you think a two year old child is doing?
Or how they're feeling? Like, this is not where they want to be. Because, number one... The lady had no children's clothes [00:03:00] in her hands, so you're not even buying the kid anything, you're just, like, shopping yourself, which is fine, but it was the way that she was talking to her that was, like, really upsetting to me, and I really had to, like, I really had to stop myself because I almost said something, I need to do, and I, I don't ever want to be that person, right, but I'm just, like, I wanted to be, like, please stop talking to her like that, Like, please stop for it was just it was very very frustrating and it was interesting because I feel like no one was really bothered by the little girl like being upset in line, but it was like the mom.
Now you're making like such a scene and like you're kind of like I'm embarrassed for you not for the little girl like I'm embarrassed for you because. You're the adult and you're like clearly very loud and very upset. And so I was like, they weren't even like thinking [00:04:00] about like what the little girl, what could have made it easier for her?
There was two adults with her. So one of them could have taken her outside. One of them could have showed her some, you know, they have little things in line, right, to buy little cute things, right. They could have talked to whatever, there was a hundred things that you could have done. But she's like trying to hold her and the girl's like flopping all around and I was just like, and then when she said, what is wrong with you, you're embarrassing me.
I was like, Oh my God, why again, children are not responsible for your emotion. And so putting it on them, like she's cause now it's like she's doing something wrong or she's doing something bad, which she wasn't. She was responding to outside. An outside stimulus that she didn't really know how to handle.
Um, and so she was doing the best that she could, [00:05:00] and there was like no support for her. And while I understand that that can be frustrating for a parent, because, you know, maybe the mom just wanted to go shopping, and she didn't have a choice but to bring the daughter, right? I totally get that. You should be able to do whatever you want and take your children wherever.
But also, we have to understand that it's not the child's job to control our emotions. It's our job to help support the children through whatever they're feeling. Yeah. And so like talking, it like really like upset me and I just like kept like looking at the little girl and she was just like, like, I was just like, Oh my God, just take her somewhere, talk to her, like do something because like, this is not working.
And so it was just really, it was really sad to me. And it just really made me think about how often we hear those kinds of things. Right. Or how often maybe we even say those kinds of things, right. Because we get frustrated or we get overwhelmed. And so it comes. Comes out like that and [00:06:00] it just really got me thinking like about how, how we're speaking to children and maybe some of the ways that we're speaking to them that we don't really think about that, you know, could be, could be harmful or it could be, you know, just not as kind as, as it could be.
Kristen: Right. Well, I think kind of just going back to the parent standing in line, you know, we're working on the assumption that it was parent. Right, right, right. So, I, I truly believe that people are all doing the best that they possibly can with the knowledge that they have and the experience that they have.
And so, she probably truly was trying to do the best that she could and that's all she knew how to do, unfortunately. Um, I mean, thankfully, there are people in the world like us who have the knowledge behind Bringing up children and [00:07:00] child development and, and respectfully engaging with children and understanding their needs and, um, viewing behavior like what most people would view as like a misbehavior as like a form of communication of some sort.
And so we kind of see things through a different, a completely different lens than most people. I think that one of the things that I, one of the realizations that I came across, and I maybe have talked about this in another podcast, I can never remember because I talk about it a lot, but, um, there is, I wish this is a piece of information that everybody could have, like every single parent and every single caregiver, every single person in the world who works with children in any age, any age, um, it's like super applicable to All teachers work with any age children when it comes to behaviors.
So, when an infant [00:08:00] cries, what is, like, the checklist that you go through in your brain to figure out what's wrong? What is it?
Samuel: Wet, hungry, they need to just have some love, they're hungry. There's something that you try to figure out what it is that they're trying to tell you.
Kristen: Exactly. Do they need to be changed?
Do they need to be picked up? Do they need to be fed? Do they need to be burped? Do they need to fart? Like all those things, right? So, we instantly, that is like the mental checklist that anybody who has had experience with infants just automatically does when an infant gets fussy or cries or throws a tantrum or is screaming.
And we have so much patience for infants, right? Child would have been an infant in the store. She never would have said those things to that infant. You know what I mean? She would have like What's going on? Like burping. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah checking the diaper Like I wonder if they're hungry shove a bottle in the [00:09:00] mouth like Worked through the whole thing with patience.
Most I mean, sometimes we don't have patience with infants either, but most of the time, we generally do. Because we know they're trying to communicate by crying. They can't communicate anywhere any way else. But as soon as those infants get into a stage where they can communicate a little bit through some words or some Sign language or through actions or through pointing or whatever it may be.
We like instantaneously think they're monsters because they throw tantrums and we think that they should be able to communicate with us what their needs are. But like, they don't even know what their needs are still. They don't, they can't figure them out. Like, any more than me being 43 can figure out sometimes what my own needs are.
Totally. Half the time I don't know if I'm... Tired, or just dysregulated because there's too much noise in my house. I don't know. Totally. Totally. So, [00:10:00] everybody could realize that. That like, we just need to go through that checklist, maybe. Like, hey, is this two year old in line? Hungry? Are they super tired?
Are they overstimulated? Um, do they need just connection right now? Like, maybe things could be a little bit different in the world.
Samuel: Yeah, totally. And It's just, I, I just, I just always find it very interesting that, you know, it's that whole idea of we expect one thing for ourselves and something different for the children, right?
Yes. Because it's like, you know, you're, you're, you're upset and you're frustrated for having to stand in line or for having to wait for the appointment at the doctor or for having to whatever it is that you're doing. And. It's like what? What if we are, but you can text somebody
Kristen: and say, exactly, I'm in line.
This is so long.
Samuel: [00:11:00] Exactly. Or you can not text somebody. Exactly. Or you can put some headphones in and listen to some music or you can, whatever it is, right. You can find something to do to kind of help you through that. And children don't really have that ability or that knowledge or that self-awareness or any of those things that we have, but we expect them to.
Be perfectly still and quiet in line when we're not and it's the same kind of thing that I always joke about when you go to places like Disneyland, right? You go to places like Disneyland, which is the happiest place on Earth, right? And if I could, Perry's never been to Disneyland. Disneyland and it's my favorite place in the world.
And so I've been telling him when we, when I take him for the first time, I'm like, please watch this because if you see how many of these families and parents are just so horrible to their children here after like, I mean, a place like that is super overwhelming, and it's such a long day, and you're doing so [00:12:00] much, and it's like, these children are so overstimulated, and you're spending so much time trying to get them to enjoy it that, I mean, all you hear the whole time is like, Be quiet.
Sit down. I spent so much money for us to be here. You're going to enjoy this. You're going to do this. And I'm like, are you kidding me? If I spent a whole day in Disneyland, I'm exhausted. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I'm sweaty. I smell, I need a shower. I'm hungry. All these different things, right? So it's just interesting to me that we don't really give the same grace to children to have those feelings.
Um, and I think if we just thought a little bit more like, how am I feeling in this moment? Okay, now let me like quadruple that feeling, right? And that's probably how this child is feeling because I have, you know what I'm saying? And so it's, it's just very interesting to me, but that's kind of what I was thinking when I was hearing her, like, say all those things to this child.
And I'm like. First [00:13:00] of all, I feel like that's kind of making the situation a little bit worse because now you're getting even more worked up, and you're getting more worked up, and your child is kind of feeding off of that energy, right? And then she was like apologizing to like the people around her, um, and obviously everyone was like, you know, whatever, like, doesn't matter, there's no reason to apologize.
And so it's, Just, it made me think that, and then it also just made me think about that idea of like, how much pressure we put on children to make us happy or not make us stressed or make our days easy or, you know, all of these things that we like expect children to do, you know, like when we tell children, like, Oh, you really, it really makes me sad when you, you know, whatever.
And there's a difference between being honest with children about the way that you're feeling, uh, Um, and kind of putting that blame [00:14:00] and, um, responsibility on them, um, and then, yeah, it just makes it seem like you're doing, you're doing something wrong, um, by kind of. Trying to express to me how you're feeling or trying to, you know, work through whatever it is that you're feeling and so, and, and, and, you know, that's the thing.
Like, I get it. It is, and it probably is super frustrating and who knows what happened before they were in Old Navy, right? Who knows what happened? That morning, who knows, maybe Old Navy is the last stop on a nine store shopping day they had, right. Or something, right. You don't know how many, maybe the mom only gets one day of the whole week to go and do all her errands.
So maybe she went to, you know, Fred Meyer and then she went to this and then she went to target and then she, you know, and so it's like, there's lots of factors that can go into that. Right. And. It's no way meaning to like shame anybody at all, [00:15:00] but it's just about like, let's just, like you said, like, think a little bit differently about, you know, what we're doing and, and how we're talking and all of those things.
And maybe just try to look at it a little bit. I don't know, just, just try to give a little bit more grace that you would give to yourself to these children who are trying to figure out what. is happening every day all day long and just kind of, you know, relax a little bit. It'll help you to, you know, to feel a little bit more relaxed and, or even just having conversations with them.
Right. We all like, you know, I love that. So like even having conversation with her, like, uh, listen, girl, we have to go to eight stores today and this is probably not going to be fun all the time. We might feel like this. I might feel like this. Here's some ways that we can deal with that. Um, [00:16:00] You know, I'm not a huge proponent of like all the screen time, but like, Hey, if you're going to a bunch of different places, Hey, do you, do you want the iPad for a little bit?
Do you want this? Cause we're on our phones too. Right. When we, like you were saying, and so it's like having conversations with them, helping them to like, understand ways that they can deal with these feelings, right? Because that's an important thing for them to learn because. You're going to get overwhelmed and you're going to get, you know, overstimulated in life.
And so it's important to know. So just talking and saying like, yeah, this might really suck today. Um, but here's some ways that we can make it better. And, you know, we can, we can do it together. And if you're feeling upset or you're feeling anything like you can tell me about it. Um, we can work through it.
We can figure things out. Like just kind of opening that up a little bit more can be helpful too. Totally.
Kristen: Um, can I tell you
Samuel: my story? I don't know, what do you think? I mean, you're, you're, yes. No, I was gonna say, cause you, you have kids. So like, [00:17:00] I'm sure that kind of stuff happened to you before.
Kristen: Oh, well, so.
Okay, well, A. Um, my child Knox, when he was three we went to Disney and we were standing in line and he licked the railing the whole way through the line because I was like so tired of trying to just like troll him and I was like just done so I was just like everything like the floor like the railing like all the things and if you end up with salmonella or e.
coli or whatever oh well like At least, we made it through the line. Hello. At Disneyland! Ha ha ha! Oh my gosh, like, full on lick it. Totally licking the thing the whole time. Um, the other place where, um, That's hilarious. Children, [00:18:00] where, this is an, it's an interesting place to be where there's children. And me being in a place, I have interesting emotions around this too, because I travel a lot for work, so, Yeah, yeah.
Um, I'm on airplanes a lot. Oh, yeah. And a lot of times I love to take naps on the airplanes. But as soon as I see a child, or a baby, and they're near me, I'm like, RAAAAAAA I'm gonna buy me. But I, like, work in the early childhood industry, and I should be like, Oh, this I know, but for me, I'm like, No! No, I don't want the kids on the airplane barter!
That is
Samuel: hilarious.
Kristen: People are just rude, too, a little bit on airplanes. Oh, I can go into all the things on airplanes. They'll let their kids listen to their iPads without earphones in! And all you hear is ding, [00:19:00] ding, ding! Or, like, Louie in the background talking or whatever. And it's like, I get it that you're trying to keep it quiet.
But also, headphones.
Samuel: Hello. I didn't even think about airports and airplanes. That is another, like,
Kristen: And it's just, I mean, I've done it. I have traveled with infants by myself. I have had horrible experience. I've cried along with my child on the airplane because I feel so bad that they're crying and there's nothing you can do.
Right. Like, I felt so bad for all the people around me because there's nothing that you can do. You just have to be calm, and you have to, you can't get upset, and you just have to like, sit there and... Ugh. Yeah. And that's so frustrating, too. There's a man, there was some [00:20:00] viral video of a man, like, basically throwing a huge temper tantrum on an airplane because a three like, a young child was throwing a temper tantrum.
There was, like, some baby crying or something on the plane and he threw a full on temper tantrum to try to get the child to shut up. Like, he lost it. And everybody's like, you're not much better than the child there, sir.
Samuel: Yeah, and honestly I'd rather hear a child doing that. Yeah. Than an adult because it makes more sense that a child is doing it.
Yeah. But it's like, that's the frustrating thing too. I mean, it's, it's frustrating that you feel like You have to apologize or you feel sorry or whatever. Right. It's, it's a lot. And, and that's another like super overwhelming place to be and thing to do. Yeah. And, and I remember, I remember there was this, there was this little kid on a plane and she was in front of me and she kept like looking back and [00:21:00] like, Making funny faces and like doing things and the mom and the dad, I'm assuming they were like, turn around.
Turn around. Yeah, don't bother him. Don't bother him. And I'm like, it's really, it's fine. Like, I don't mind. And so I had like a whole conversation with the girl and like we were playing like peekaboo and stuff because I'm like, I'm bored too. I'm on here by myself. Like, I don't have anything to do, so, yeah, if we're gonna, that's fine.
And so, I think it's just, it's this whole idea of like, I mean, all of this again goes back to the idea of like, children need to be controlled, children need to be quiet, children need to be all these things, right? But, it's, it's, I don't know, it's It's very, very interesting. I think a lot of that does have to do, I mean, even the Mamadou Navy, she was, she, I'm sure she was feeling embarrassed, right?
And even though there's no reason for her to be embarrassed, and she was apologizing, even though there was no reason for her to apologize, but it's like, But she probably
Kristen: thought she needed to be. She probably thought, oh, society expects me to apologize for this loud child and make it look [00:22:00] like I'm trying to do something about it.
Samuel: So maybe she just... That's like the problem in itself. Right? Like there's no, there's no reason for any of that. And so I think that that adds that extra piece of stress. Like you were talking about where it's like, I don't even know what to do. I'm just going to cry with you because I don't know how to stop it.
And all these people are here and everyone is probably irritated with me because I would be irritated if. There was another kid on here that was, you know, it's all those things. And so it's just, we just need to give ourselves a break and give the children a break. Right. Because every we're all literally doing the best that we can.
I mean, we, we hope that we're all doing the best that we can. Right. We're all doing the best that we can in this really unpredictable and, um, just kind of wild world that we're living in right now, everyone's kind of doing their best. And so I feel like a little bit more grace for everybody. Um, Could be, you [00:23:00] know, could be really helpful.
Um, and that's why, like, whenever I am in places like that, like, I, I try to do what I can, like I did with that little girl on the plane or whatever. Like, I try to do what I can to, like, kind of, I don't know, make it better, I guess? Like, I'll say things to the parents and stuff like, Oh my God, they're so funny.
Or, Oh my gosh, it's so this. Or, you know, if they're having, like, a really hard time, like, Hey, it's all right. Like. You know, whatever, just like trying to make it a little bit better, just because it sucks, and first of all First of all, I don't want to be at the airport and I don't want to be flying, so I'm sure you don't either, and you have a child with you, so it makes it even worse.
Sorry, child, but it makes it worse. And it's just, yeah, I think just a little more grace for everybody and just more conversations. Just talk with your kids. It's okay to tell them that this is going to suck, or this is not going to be very fun, or, you know, there's lots of things
Kristen: that could... Place beforehand if they're old enough to understand that like what can we do because we [00:24:00] know this is going to be hard So like what can we do?
What are some ideas that you have that we can come up with together to make it not so hard and frustrating
Samuel: Exactly, and that could be for anything the airport a doctor's office the grocery store. Um Disneyland, right? When you were telling that story about Knox licking the thing. I'm like, I could totally, I, I understand that.
I understand that because waiting in those lines is literally the worst thing ever.
Kristen: Because their lines are so cool that they're lines are pretty epic lines, like the older rides, like not so much, but like some of the newer ones. That's true. That's true. They've got some pretty cool things, but some, some not at all.
Samuel: Which is, which is interesting because why do you think they made those lines more interactive? Because
Kristen: people were yelling at their children [00:25:00] and it wasn't the happiest place on earth anymore.
Samuel: No, it's not. If you just go there, you're like, this is not very happy at all. Like, but yeah, I mean, it's It's hard.
It's hard, but it really got me thinking when, when I heard that and you know, like, I could write a whole book about the things that I hear people say to children when we're out in public and, and, you know, all those kinds of things. And it's so funny because whenever I'm out with Perry and things like that happen, he'll be like, what would you do?
Is that, are they doing the right thing? Is that right? What would you do? I don't think they should do that. And I'm like, well, I don't like to say that there's any, like, right way to do anything, but, you know, there are, like, Gentle ways. ways, better ways to do things. But again, it's all You know, we do the best we can with what they know.
Right. And if that's, you know, it's, you know, it's just, it's all about just giving a little [00:26:00] bit more grace. And so even if, you know, you see that person in line, that's struggling with their kid, like say something positive to them or say something positive to the kid or, you know, just something small. He was
Kristen: telling me that they would, when they were out in public places, they would always have like little trap keys in their pocket.
Oh, yeah. To like, give to kids who are having a hard time. Just like some little, like, random little, like, um, I don't remember even, just like little trinkets. And they would just like, hand them over and, not candy or anything like that, but just like a little trinket for them to like, have. So it just keeps their mind busy and occupied for just a short time.
Um, you know, it's not going to keep their attention for very long, but like, Having something like that, Charlotte Educators, just on hand in our pocket, having like one every time we go somewhere, just in case, [00:27:00] might be something to think about. I might start keeping things like
Samuel: that on my backpack. That's a really cool idea, actually.
And it's just like, nice, because, I mean, just in general, I feel like I always try to, like, Do what I can to make someone else's day just a little bit better, no matter where I am. Right? So if I see somebody like I do this all the time, if I see somebody like at the grocery store, I'll be like, Oh my God, I love your hair.
Or, Oh my gosh, I love that top or whatever it is. Right? Because I did that one time. At the grocery store, and I saw the lady again outside when we were putting the carts away, and so I took her cart, and then she was like, you know, I walked out of the house today thinking, I'm gonna accept every good thing that comes my way, and she was like, you really just started that off for me, by saying something nice to me, and all I said was like, I like your shirt, or whatever I had said, right?
But it's like, Those little things that took you two seconds to say probably just made someone's day. And when people [00:28:00] say things like that to me, I literally come home and I tell Perry about it. I'm like, Oh my God, this lady at the store said this. It like, is so nice. And so I just feel like if we could all just, just, uh, just be nice.
Be a little kinder. Yeah. To everyone, to your children, to yourself, to each other. And, I mean, honestly, whatever you do, just please don't, please don't tell your children that they're embarrassing you. That really made me sad. Think of, think of something else to say, or think of how, how you would feel. Don't say anything at all.
Yeah, and then if that is things that your, your parents told you, think about how that made you feel. Aww. Yeah, like. Yeah, but anyways, so that was my story of my little trip to Old Navy and kind of what I heard, but it's, it's hard, but I really like, I really like that idea of, of having a little something or even just, or [00:29:00] even just talking a little bit, like if you're in line and there's a kid, have a little conversation with them, have a little conversation with the parent or the adult that's with them.
And, you know, it can kind of take a little bit of, a little bit of stress off somebody, you know,
Kristen: or you can say, Hey, I spy something. Hello.
Samuel: Yeah, exactly. I don't know. We play I Spy. That's awesome, because kids like
Kristen: that kind of We play I Spy all
Samuel: the time. Kids love that kind of stuff. And they love, like, talking to new people, you know?
So if they don't know who you are and you're in line
Kristen: Well, some kids love talking to new people. Well, that's true. Not all.
That's true. I have some children who would not ever say a word. Like, to anybody else. They'd look at me, like, and hide. That's hilarious. Anyway, this was good. Thanks for sharing your story. Um, if you're listening, if you ever have it, go.
Samuel: I was gonna say, if a woman is listening to this.
Kristen: She's probably not.[00:30:00]
Assuming she does not listen to the honoring play podcast.
Samuel: Probably, maybe she should. But no, if that's you, or if that ever happens to you, or you ever feel in that position, like just, just breathe a little bit and help your child and know that we are in no way saying that you're a bad adult or parent.
We're just trying to help. You think a little bit differently. That's all. Exactly.
Kristen: Yeah. Um, if you, uh, love our podcast, please give us a rating on Apple Podcasts. We would love five stars.
Please. us? So take some time to do that today, and we appreciate you listening. If you ever have a topic request, please, you can send me an email at [email protected]. Um, or send Samuel or I and a message on Instagram and, um, we'll [00:31:00] put it on a list. Yes, please do. Okay, that's it for today. Bye-bye.
Bye
bye.
